If you're just starting to learn meditation, either as part of a guided meditation group or on your own, you sit for five or ten minutes each sitting; try to sit daily at the same time, morning or evening, whichever suits you perfect. You give the daily five to ten minutes to increase to fifteen or twenty minutes when the weeks go by, but you by no means try and force the pace.
Meditation isn't about tightening the teeth in tenacity. It's about sitting quietly with yourself, and though it needs its own kind of self control this has nothing to do with toughness than with soft and letting go.
When the inevitable thoughts or feelings come up, you allow them to pass through and out of attention like clouds pass in water. You don't attempt to push them away, but leave them to go of their own accord. Irrespective of how 'important' the thinking seem to be or how pressing or worrying the feelings, you don't hold on to them or enable one thought or emotion to set off another and another till you are off on an inattentiveness track that takes you further and further from the simple issue of the in-breath and the out-breath.
If, however, you do lose control, gently but firmly come back to your breathing the moment you realize this has cropped up. Avoid being irritated with yourself or convincing yourself you'll never understand how to meditate. Your drifting mind is simply showing to you just how much you should practice your meditation techniques. It is supporting you, prompting you, showing you how little control you have over your own thoughts. The right response is gratitude, appreciation towards that part of your mind that has become aware you are wool-gathering and that has prompted you to return to your point of focus.
I cannot stress enough how important this attitude of gratitude is. If you trouble yourself each time you become aware you are distracted in thought, you will not only be arousing the unwelcome emotion of self-disgust, you will be training your mind not to remind you when it is wandering in the future. You are in effect punishing it every time for reminding you, and certainly it doesn't like being punished. So it will remind you less and less often, and you will find focus becomes harder and harder. In response to the disappointment that this brings, your mind will then start whispering convincingly to you that meditation is a total waste of time, and that you would be well advised to find something much better to do with your time.
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