Last week one of my friends asked a question which i thought was worth talking about. He asked about how to overcome fears that pop up at times - even when things are going great.
The truth is it is not a simple question to reply to because it varies for every person. There are literally entire books which have been written on that subject alone. However, one of the best ways I have used to overcome my fears generally involves lowering the gradient.
What exactly are gradients? Gradients are like steps on a ladder. If you try to reach the top of the ladder on your first step, it will be impossible and you will not succeed. If you keep trying it over and over you will begin to build up a "complex" regarding failing, and soon stop trying anymore.
If you try to jump up five or six steps in your first try, it will also be scary - not really impossible but scary. Probability is that if you have no experiences jumping that high you may fail too.
The correct approach is to take the initial step and then advance one-step at a time. It is the most comfortable method to climb a ladder.
Here are a few examples of how I apply that to overcome fears which pop up in meeting women and dating women:
As most guys do, I often go out to meet women in a social setting. This can be particularly frightening. Therefore when I am approaching a good looking woman in a social setting, rather than telling her how gorgeous she is and how much I am attracted to her (which exposes my fear of being shot down in front of many people and embarrassed) I lower the gradient of approach and just say "Hi." If a girl likes you or has an interest in you she will find a means to continue the conversation. If she doesn't then i know she has no interest in me and the simple "Hi" just appears that I am friendly - not necessarily even flirting - so I don't feel shot down in front of others.
If I am starting to date a woman and I am afraid of taking the next step of trying to get intimate with her, I don't ask her "Would you like to get intimate?" I take a lower gradient and ask her if she wants to relax, get cozy, and just listen to music at my house. If she doesn't want to get intimate she certainly won't wish to be alone with me, getting cozy at my place. Or instead of trying to suddenly "kiss her", I will simply hold her hand or give her gentle touches every now and again to see how responsive she is to my touch. If she likes my touch she will begin touching me back to give me the go ahead signal.
These are some examples. Whenever you feel awkward and scared just try to consider a lower gradient that isn't as scary and enables you to make forward progress toward your goal. If you do this you will learn how to meet women and the way to connect with them quickly.
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- A Lady's Guide To Writing A Fantastic Profile For Online Dating Websites To Find The Partner Effortlessly
- Is Mr. L. Rx A Fraud? Is His Book Dating To Relating A Kind Of Mislead?
- How To Attract Women - Mixed Responses And Flirting
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- Is The Game A Joke? Is Neil Strauss A Scam?
- Getting Over Fears: Lowering The Gradient In An Effort To Meet Girls And Relate To Girls
- First Dates: What To Avoid, If You Wish To Attract Women. - A Wonderful Guide To Acquire More Information
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